ADHD & Relationships: Embracing What It Means to Be “Attention Different” | Adulting with ADHD Podcast

Being “Attention Different” means living in a world that isn’t designed for you—where attention ebbs and flows unpredictably and the standard rules for focus and productivity don’t always apply.

It’s not just a diagnosis; it’s a different way of engaging with life, full of unique challenges and creative opportunities. Rather than seeing ADHD as something to “fix,” this perspective invites us to recognize its complexity and embrace the messy, often chaotic, beauty it brings.

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At its core, being Attention Different is about reframing what we think of as normal. Traditional ideas of productivity, organization, and focus simply don’t work for everyone. Many adults with ADHD find themselves stuck in cycles of self-criticism, frustrated by their inability to meet these rigid expectations. But there’s freedom in rejecting that narrative. Instead of constantly striving to fit a neurotypical mold, people who are Attention Different can focus on developing systems that honor how their brains work and lean into their strengths.

Everyday struggles with ADHD are real—forgetting appointments, losing track of time, and battling distractions can make life feel chaotic. But there’s something powerful in acknowledging those challenges without shame. For many, self-awareness becomes a turning point. Recognizing patterns in behavior allows them to take control, not by forcing themselves into rigid structures but by designing their own strategies that work.

Humor often plays a vital role in this journey. Whether it’s finding the funny side of forgetfulness or laughing at a particularly ADHD moment, humor can diffuse feelings of shame and lighten the load. It’s not about ignoring the difficulties but about finding a way to live with them—sometimes by laughing at the chaos and moving on.

Another key element of embracing an Attention Different identity is building community. The shared experiences of struggling with focus, dealing with impulsivity, or navigating neurodivergence in the workplace can be deeply isolating without the right support. However, finding others who relate to these experiences can be transformative. Community spaces—whether in podcasts, social groups, or online forums—offer validation, connection, and a reminder that there’s nothing wrong with being different.

Ultimately, living as someone who is Attention Different means redefining success and self-acceptance on your terms. It’s about dropping the perfectionist mindset and allowing space for quirks, creativity, and growth. The world might not always make room for those who think and act outside the norm, but learning to embrace the chaos can be a powerful step toward feeling truly at home with yourself.

In this episode, we're joined by the amazing Abbey Agers to break down some of the most common relationship struggles and how to work through them together.